Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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