Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize