No stitches, just platelets and will power
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
