I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
