i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
