Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
