The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
