dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
