I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
