Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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