did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
