So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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