I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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