Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
