Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
