dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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