I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
