Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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