I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
