i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
