I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
