i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you didnt know i had herpes?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
