I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
