just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
