Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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