So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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