You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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