I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
