trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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