drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
