There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
