Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
