she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
