She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
