I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize