There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
