Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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