Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
