i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
