I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
