now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
