Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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