I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So squirting runs in the family.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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