Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
