worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
