And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That accounts for only three of the penises
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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