There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
