Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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