So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
