the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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