Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
