he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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