the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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