You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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