We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
