When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
