Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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