omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
