Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
