life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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