dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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