I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize