No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
