Do you still have your period?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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